Well after 7 weeks and 2 days I’m still off the ciggies.  Thank you Champix.

Big warning though, Champix has some nasty side effects.  I started with only some of them and ended up with all of them.  They recommend you do 12 weeks on the tabs but I was only able to 4.

The Champix work.  Mind you, you do need a good support network around you because if you are in a social situation in the first week it is not easy, but it is not that  hard either.  I really didn’t have that must have desire for the cigs that I have had for the last 35 years!!!  But Champix do have their side affects and I had some.

The nausea was pretty easy, I knew it was the tabs doing it so it was mind over matter.  The downers were a bit harder.  The instructions say they can be depressing.  I think my friends were more right by saying to me you are just having a downer because of the meds and it’s ok.  I let myself wallow a couple of times, hey there is nothing wrong with a  good cry!  Afterwards I got going and got on with my day just fine.  It’s more just being aware of whats going on with you.

They worked for me.  It’s been two weeks now, I have just converted to weeks from days and it feels so good.   I have had a couple of cigs.  I was sick and they were the only thing I could keep down, it was more of a comfort thing than a need.  A friend gave me some advice in the first week.  She said just because you might have one ciggie you are not a smoker again, it doesn’t mean you have to keep smoking.  She was right, I have had a couple but they are not doing anything for me so there is no need for them.

I feel better already.  I have noticed the difference in my  skin already.  I have been told it may take up to 18 months before I notice some physical changes for the better, but hey it can only get better from here.

This year has been very full.  Aside from not being able to be here and write.  A lot has happened that I would have liked to have written about.

I’m going to give a quick run down and will probably write more on some things at a later time.

My father died in September.  That started a new part of my life, a getting to know mum  more because I was closer to dad.

I have this year managed to give up dope, not that I was ever a very heavy user but I just thought it was time, now I only indulge on a weekend when I’m out and only OPs.

I’m also cutting back on the alcohol intake, not that I ever did the chucking or black outs but still thought my intake could drop.

And……….I’m on Champix about to give up smoking.  I’ve been on them about ten days and cigs are starting to taste like shit, my friend, who has just given up on them says I will just forget to keep having them very soon, hope she’s right.

This has been such a long layover I have probably lost all of the all too few regular readers I had!

I’ve been lazy and as I couldn’t blog  from work I had to go to cafes, like anyone does that regularly unless they are in another country.  Soooo finally I got my shit together and now have the net on at home.

Soon I promise some writing as this is only an update.

I want the whip,

Want to feel the leather,

Don’t let it slip,

Let it get better.

Heal the wounds,

With the slices,

See the swoons,

Let the skin be dices.

Take me to the whip,

I want to feel the pain,

I want a different trip,

Not thinking of her again.

Take me to the whip,

Let me taste the pain,

I want to get a grip,

On a different train.

You play my heart strings,

Like a piece of cat gut,

I shouldn’t have let you in,

I shouldn’t have let you cut.

I should have heard your words,

Not felt your actions,

Go fly with the birds,

While I deal with the attraction.

Hold me now

or hold me never,

Don’t say maybe

when it won’t be ever.

     So this week I thought I would have a quiet week chilling at home every night.  Well so it so didn’t turn out like that. 

     It didn’t start that well cos I was still very hung over Monday from a big night out on Saturday…yes it was that big!  It was Jager bombs big.  I get into work and as I’m not on the net at home at the moment, I’m still sorting through plans and options and wireless or cable, I’ve been doing a fair bit of surfing and blogging at work as I have full access.  My boss tells me that I have received a warning about my net usage….too much, way too much!!  They, the company that we are contracted to and who provide our computers and net access, have told him that my net usage must drop or they will inform our Head Office!  So now I’m having to go to net cafes cos I’ve too busy to work something out for home.  So I think that is a crappy start to the week. 

      Tuesday, early night in I think, just as I’m leaving work my ex calls to see if I want to catch up for one drink.  I figure one won’t hurt so go meet her at this nice venue that has couches and $3 wines for their 2 hour happy hour!  Then my housemate, who technically lives upstairs in his own flat, joins us.  It was 9 before we got home.

     Wednesday, early night in I think, but silly me drops into my local for one on the way home.  I also had ulterior motives there as I was trying to find out exactly what I had gotten up Saturday night after I had had pizza with my mates and been put into a cab to go home, I hadn’t gone home!  Just about to leave and a friend arrives who is pretty close to a mate who drinks there and he is dying of cancer, like he probably won’t make it through next week.  So she has never been through anything like this before and I stay around to let her pour out the crap she needs to and to reassure her that how she is feeling is perfectly normal.  You go crazy trying to watch someone die.

     Thursday, early night in I think.  I actually make it home and am cooking dinner when a friend calls to see if I will meet him down at the local for a couple.  Given I had gotten home early from work and had eaten I thought well I could have two hours on the couch or two hours of possibly stimulating conversation, the conversation proved more attractive.  My housemate also called in on his way home so it was ten before we got back home and as he stayed for another drink at my place, eleven before bed.

     Friday night I thought right, its Friday I’m going for a drink so I organise housemate to meet me at a bar in the city with a happy hour.  We stayed for two drinks and decided it just wasn’t happening for either of us so back to our local.  We ended up there only for a couple and we were actually home early sharing a joint.

I want

I feel

I can’t

I’m real

You are

You’re not

I’m far

I’m not